Behold the Devil

Now I’m not necessarily a fan of conspiracy theories, although I’ve long believed that if you get paid for providing a service, then it’s in your best interest to make sure you don’t do your job too well.
Case in point — therapists.
My own personal preference if I needed some mind work done, would be to find a therapist who had oodles of time on her hands.
And yes, I doubt I’d ever see a male therapist, because everybody knows men don’t have feelings, and certainly don’t know how to discuss them.
And they’re always wrong. And they can be easily distracted by a decent set, or a shoddy set, or any set, come to think of it.
Anyway, I would likely find a therapist who had plenty of time to spare.
“I need to see you now,” I would say.
“Sure, come on over, I’m just polishing the leaves on my rubber plant. It’s shiny!” she would reply.
Why does she have so much time? Because she’s so damn successful, that’s why.
Her patients come in broken, leave fixed, and unless they get caught in a vortex that is Vulcan, AB., they never have to return.
Done and done.
Journalists work in much the same manner. First, write a story, but don’t write it too well or else you’ll never have a reason to do the second, follow up story, followed by the third. And judging by trilogies, the first is always acclaimed, the second is tripe, crap, offering just enough to keep people interested, but not nearly enough to remember, and the third is the Pulitzer.
Although I don’t know how they’re going to best Shrek 2. I just don’t know how they’ll do it. Puss In Boots was hilarious. Antonio, you’re such a card!
But back to conspiracies, I think I have found one and I need to share it with the world.
It comes in a tube, it smells delish, it’s greasy and it’s blue.
That’s right, you guessed it.
Lip balm, or rather Blistex Complete Moisture Lip Balm.
The product comes in a cool, blue tube, and the packaging proclaims it “Penetrates to quench dry lips.”
Now, I did indeed sense some penetration when the balm was applied, but quench dry lips? No siree bob did it quench dry lips, rather, it created dry lips.
Shocked?
I’m not. I’m rather impressed by the folks at the lip balm factory for having the nerve to concoct this witches brew, this devil stick.
Both myself and a friend, I’ll call him Ken, smothered our lips with Complete Moisture, only to notice the very next day that we had developed an insatiable appetite for it. It seemed the more we used the worse our poor, dried out faces required.
Clever, you Blistex charlatans. Very clever.