Cold hearted indeed

Sneriously, look into his eyes.
Uh oh, he’s been tellin’ lies.
Ah, Paula, how well you compose. Those were the glory days, before the painkillers, before Emilio ditched your ass.
But while life is full of riches and devoid of happiness for some, my life is quite the opposite these days.
This week, for example, was full of stories. As the rain came down, I giggled with glee. As backyards flooded, were washed wholly away, my fingers sailed along the keyboard, typey-type-type-type.
Is there another job that revels so much in the misery of others?
I can’t be happy standing in back of somebody’s dream home — a home I’ll never be able to afford — and snapping shots at the devastation caused by a river that opted to switch courses and traverse through the decadent landscaping, and sail right on through the back windows.
No, I can’t be happy.
But how boring it would be if all I managed to do was write forgettable missives about 100th birthday parties, school plays and new businesses.
Why, I think I’d shoot myself.
So this week was one to rejoice in my career choice. And now it’s raining once more, and because of this next week is looking up as well.
Also on the agenda this week was a trip to the local veterinarian — no, not for me, I get my teeth cleaned at the mechanics.
A reptile enthusiast, this local vet was asked by the Vancouver SPCA to care for a seized albino Burmese Python. The snake had been left alone for a month in a Vancouver storefront, with no food and no water.
Apparently, however, these constrictors can last eons without nourishment, but it’s not recommended they go without water. So, while it’s not fairing too badly, the beast is still under observation locally, and on Wednesday I got a chance to visit the scaly thing’s temporary digs.
The python weighs in at 70 pounds or so, and stretches out a mere nine and a half feet.
And, according to the vet, “it’s pissed.” Snakes don’t like commotion, it turns out, and, being much like myself, don’t enjoy being bandied about from place to place.
They’re homebodies, really.
It was actually growling, and at points sounded more like a kettle blithering about on a hot stove than the clichéd hissing one would expect. I had no idea snakes were such noisy creatures.
At one point it coiled back and the vet asked politely for me to move. I stepped back immediately, and as I did so it lunged toward the camera.
Very cool in retrospect, but I nearly wet myself at the time.
At the end of the day I’m a bit girly. I didn’t mind getting close to the coiler, but I didn’t attempt to touch or hold the beast.