Dangerous but delicious

This letter was forwarded to me today from a friend who was, decidedly, a loser in the Timmy lottery.
I felt that not only does this letter provide a good warning to those who are also rolling the rim, but might also spawn some discussion around appropriate rim rolling methods.
The letter writer did not wish to be named. You can call her Jennifer Garner — get it, Alias, get it?

Dear Tim Hortons,

Although I do thoroughly enjoy your delicious caffeine beverages and assortment of baked goods, I feel that, in light of recent events, I must send you this letter of concern.
On the morning of March 20, 2007, I purchased a medium coffee from one of your Kamloops, B.C. locations. Having almost finished the coffee, I decided to "Roll up the Rim" to see if perhaps I had won one of a variety of prizes. I first read the disclaimer written on the paper cup: Aucune obligation d'achat. Chances de gagner un prix: 1 sur 9. Response a une question subsidiare exigee pour les residents du Canada. Vour tous les details dans les restaurants participants et a deroulelebordpourgagner.com.
After realizing that I, in fact, do not speak French, I began the arduous task of rolling up the rim using my lower teeth to begin the rolling process. Before I could finish, however, the cup slipped under the pressure of the combination hand-mouth motion and spilled all over my white blouse with particular concentration in the left breastal area. Alarmed, I immediately stopped, dropped and rolled, but this did nothing. Sadly, I was forced to work the remainder of the day wearing a giant coffee stain.
I am not certain if I shall ever recover from the many stares and comments said stain drew from my male co-workers. I would like to think they were simply checking out my left breastal area, however, the accompanying comments led me to believe otherwise. My rack has been forever disgraced by an unruly Double-Double.
As a loyal patron of your coffee houses across British Columbia for many years now, I feel I must send you this letter with the hope that similar tragedies may be avoided in the future.
In 1974 had Tim Horton not gotten smashed and bravely taken his Pantera sports car for an ill-fated drive at 160 km/hour, perhaps he would still be with us. If he were, I ask you, would he stand idly by as people like myself suffer needlessly at the hands of poorly designed corporate contests? I think not.
Déshonorer sur vous Tim Hortons! Yes that's right, I do speak French after all. Doesn't feel good to be misled by those you trust, now does it?
Regards,
Jennifer Garner (get it, Alias, get it?)
Coffee Consumer & Seeker of Free Doughnuts