How much to lease a hankie?

Window-shopping rarely makes me cry.
Scratch that. The only time window-shopping makes me cry is if it is conducted in front of a bakery. That much delicious cake in one location can make the toughest grown woman weep, for shizzle.
But, for the most part, window-shopping is relatively harmless. Often one doesn’t even recognize they’re doing it. Like bum-looking. Apparently I have a problem. Apparently I am a compulsive bum looker. But that’s another story for another day.
Today, however, window-shopping became painful. A lump developed in the throat, the eyes started to cloud — similar to the reaction I have to every episode of Friday Night Lights. Good show.
Leaving the gym this morning I happened to peek into the porthole of easyhome. For those who are unaware, easyhome is a store in which you can lease furniture and appliances. The store’s motto explains it all: Easyhome — get exactly what you want, for as long as you want.
Treat the dining room set as a car, drive it for a while, spill spaghetti on the seat cushions, make sweet, sweet love on its top, whatever. And then, when the terms of the lease are through, you just bring it right on back, trade up so to speak, and get that new table, the fancy one. Maybe this time you can afford the pine instead of the particle board. Taking it back makes so much sense. Think of the cash you’ll save on Lysol wipes, for one.
So, that dining room set will cost you maybe 30-bucks a month and after 72 months you might actually be able to buy it out. Think of the savings!
The reason this wandering and sweaty journalist nearly began to weep in the window was because she spotted something so pathetic, more pathetic than the dining room table, the child’s bunk bed, the microfibre sectional. What this reporter saw was large and shiny, had giant speakers and a fancy, colourful display. It was a home stereo and you could lease it for the low, low price of $7 per month.
SEVEN DOLLARS!
You can’t even buy a foot long sub from subway for $7, but you could have your very own (leased) stereo, pumping the tunes through your leased apartment. But wait; do they lease the CDs too? Nope, but they lease computers so you can download tunes illegally and then listen to them on your leased stereo.
Who are these people who lease stereos? I don’t even understand the purpose of leasing a couch when you can just go to the Brick and buy one without making a payment on it UNTIL 2009!!! Why lease a couch when you can have one for free UNTIL 2009?
I do understand the need for a couch. It’s impossible to welcome couch surfers into your home without one, and it’s tough eating in front of the leased TV if you don’t have a place to park your butt. And speaking of butt, if you lease a couch and use it frequently, it’ll stop perverts like me from staring at your derrière.
But do you need the stereo? Really? Damn that shiznit makes me sad.